A Little Snot Will Do Ya

Generally speaking, I have never been in a better place. Work is good. My children are happy and healthy. My love life is rockin'. So, I wouldn't change places with me now and me during my married years for anything. But - and there is always a but - the one thing I did under estimate was how difficult being a single parent was going to be. I get to work most mornings before 8:00 a.m. Work hard all day (not back breaking labor, but mind bending, deadline sensitive, brain draining stuff). When I leave the office after 8 1/2 hours, the second part of my day is just starting. One kid has to be here...the other kid has to be there...homework has to be supervised...dinner has to be prepared (can you imagine the gall of my children actually demanding that I cook them a healthy, well-balanced meal every night?)...and a load or 5 of laundry is always waiting to be attended to. There aren't enough hours in most days to "do" and "be" and "go", and I am feeling spread very, very thin. Whenever I am feeling overwhelmed, my mother and sister like to remind me that even though I had a husband (and my kids had a father), I always did everything myself anyway so there really isn't any difference between now and then. But the reality is even though he wasn't there he was at least there. Does that make sense to anyone besides me?

I had a bout of hysteria yesterday. I haven't had a good cry in a while, and I suppose I was due. Maybe I was overdue, because this one was a doozy. Forty minutes of chest heaving, tears and snot pouring down my face, LOUD balling - all while driving in rush hour traffic for a couple of thousand other harried folk to witness. The only thing that eventually calmed and comforted me was my mom holding me while I sobbed into her shoulder. I guess even mothers still need their mothers

And...to compound my already fragile emotional state, I quit smoking 5 days ago. In the midst of yesterday's snot snack, I honestly felt like I could have committed a homicide for a pack of Camel Menthol Lights. At that moment, a mouthful of tar, nicotine and other cancer causing agents was way more appealing than a mouthful of boogers.

Sorry?

Does anyone really mean it when they say “I’m sorry”? Obviously, there are the instances when an apology is perfectly appropriate – when you’ve bumped into someone in an elevator; when you are running late for an appointment; or when you are trying to comfort someone grieving the loss of a friend or family member. But for the most part, I can’t stand hearing “I’m sorry”. I consider most apologies hollow words that roll off the tongue without thought. It’s far too easy to wrong someone, and then think that everything is rosey just because the act warranting the apology is followed by an "I'm sorry". I don't want to hear it. Because the truth is so few apologies are genuine, that most are meaningless.

We have become a society where it is perfectly acceptable to act in any inconsiderate, rude, disrespectful, illegal, immoral, or uncivilized manner we want with the expectation that an apology will simply wipe the slate clean of hurt or disappointment. Maintain your civility toward me, treat me with the respect I deserve, and don't take advantage of my good nature, and there will be no need to say "I’m sorry". Throwing around blanket apologies all the time just doesn’t cut it for me. Words and actions cannot be undone, and the human brain is not equipped with a rewind/erase button. Be true to yourself and those around you in word and in deed and there will be no need to walk around apologizing all the time.

Antonio

Tall, dark, handsome,
kind, gentle, funny,
clever, warm, attentive,
strong, witty, smart,
smooth, cool, calm,
moral, decent, safe,
sexy, daring, exciting,
teacher, student, partner,
fearless, scared, brave,
lover, father, friend,
protector, driven, honest,
dear, sweet, mine,
able, competent, capable,
creative, loving, confident,
real, intense, passionate,
committed, persistent, good,
cautious, reckless, free,
spirited, respected, respectful,
complicated, complex, energized,
and loved by me.