MIDDLE GROUND
My world is Black or White...with nothing in between. Gray escapes me. Apparently, I've been this way forever. If you were to ask my mother, she would tell you that growing up I was either the little girl who cried at the sight of the first crocuses working their way out of the partially thawed soil at the start of Spring; or I was the keniving child who expertly worked the system.
The only difference between me now and me then is the setting. There aren't anymore crocuses, and its been years since I was able to manipulate my parents against each other. Now, its just me and the way I conduct myself in my personal and professional lives. Its not that Black and White is necessarily Good or Bad, but it does make everything so much more complicated than it has to be.
The White. I am meticulous at work - a trusted and valued employee; singly handedly keeping the man pointed in the right direction; everything has a place; every dollar is accounted for; typos, no way. When it comes to friends and family, I am the go to girl. Have a problem, I am all ears; need a ride, I'm on my way; family crisis, sure I'll mediate. My last dollar? Take it. Its yours. I was on my way home from picking up my daughter from dance the other night. We passed a lady broken down in her car. U-turn. In high heels and dressed from work, I pushed that lady's car until she was safely off the road. Taking care of every detail of everyone else's life is what I do best.
The Black. Some of the Black is the usual two kids, a dog and full time working mom stuff. Most of it is simply unacceptable. There are some people who thrive on chaos. Those who aren't happy unless there is a fire to put out somewhere. I have come to terms with the fact that I am one of those people. Bottom line, my personal life is a trainwreck.
Fiscal (ir)responsibility. Normal people open the mail that comes from their bank. I never do. Most people sit down at least once a month and balance their checkbook. Not me. I have no regard for a running balance, and as long as the bank lets me charge, I am one with my debit card. The only time I open any bank mail is when the envelope is really thin. Then I know its a notice telling me that I am overdrawn. This is not an exaggeration. I recently paid $33.00 for a cheeseburger happy meal ($3.00 for the food, and $30.00 in overdraft charges).
There is a place for everything, and everything has a place. Not in my world. I swear I spend 20 minutes of every day looking for something. It doesn't matter what that something is (a pair of earrings, the car keys, a permission slip, the match to the only pair of shoes that goes with the outfit I have on). I recently spent 3 minutes frantically searching for a condom in the middle of a hot and heavy make out session because I couldn't remember where I hid the damn things. Three minutes might not seem like a long time, but those were 3 less minutes of good lovin' I could have been having.
Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. The consequences of procrastination and disorganization range from humorous to absurd to blatantly stupid. Regardless of the degree, its just another recipe for ajita in any already complicated world.
The absurd - I am so disorganized and disconnected at times that I don't know the kids have off from school until they tell me. ("What do you mean summer vacation starts today?!?!"). Appointments are only kept because those nice people in the doctor's office are smart enough to call to confirm the day before. Yes, I have a calendar. No, I never open it (see bank mail above).
The blatantly stupid - I have actually had utilities turned off because I didn't pay a bill. Don't be alarmed - money is not a problem. I just wait and wait and wait until well past the past due date, then I write the check. But, I have to drive around with the envelope for another few weeks because everyone knows how hard dropping it in a mailbox is.
The humorous - I stopped to get a card for my mom last Mother's Day. If we were dealing with a normal person, under normal circumstance, this act would be unremarkable. But this is me, so I should probably mention that at that time I stopped to buy the card, I was already late for Mother's Day dinner. There were slim pickins' left in the card isle, so I couldn't be too picky. I chose the one with the big red rose and the silver glitter. What mushy sentiment the card I ended up with expressed I couldn't tell you, since the only cards that were left at 7:00 on Mother's Day Sunday were in Spanish.
Anyone see a pattern here?
Gray is Good.
The only difference between me now and me then is the setting. There aren't anymore crocuses, and its been years since I was able to manipulate my parents against each other. Now, its just me and the way I conduct myself in my personal and professional lives. Its not that Black and White is necessarily Good or Bad, but it does make everything so much more complicated than it has to be.
The White. I am meticulous at work - a trusted and valued employee; singly handedly keeping the man pointed in the right direction; everything has a place; every dollar is accounted for; typos, no way. When it comes to friends and family, I am the go to girl. Have a problem, I am all ears; need a ride, I'm on my way; family crisis, sure I'll mediate. My last dollar? Take it. Its yours. I was on my way home from picking up my daughter from dance the other night. We passed a lady broken down in her car. U-turn. In high heels and dressed from work, I pushed that lady's car until she was safely off the road. Taking care of every detail of everyone else's life is what I do best.
The Black. Some of the Black is the usual two kids, a dog and full time working mom stuff. Most of it is simply unacceptable. There are some people who thrive on chaos. Those who aren't happy unless there is a fire to put out somewhere. I have come to terms with the fact that I am one of those people. Bottom line, my personal life is a trainwreck.
Fiscal (ir)responsibility. Normal people open the mail that comes from their bank. I never do. Most people sit down at least once a month and balance their checkbook. Not me. I have no regard for a running balance, and as long as the bank lets me charge, I am one with my debit card. The only time I open any bank mail is when the envelope is really thin. Then I know its a notice telling me that I am overdrawn. This is not an exaggeration. I recently paid $33.00 for a cheeseburger happy meal ($3.00 for the food, and $30.00 in overdraft charges).
There is a place for everything, and everything has a place. Not in my world. I swear I spend 20 minutes of every day looking for something. It doesn't matter what that something is (a pair of earrings, the car keys, a permission slip, the match to the only pair of shoes that goes with the outfit I have on). I recently spent 3 minutes frantically searching for a condom in the middle of a hot and heavy make out session because I couldn't remember where I hid the damn things. Three minutes might not seem like a long time, but those were 3 less minutes of good lovin' I could have been having.
Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. The consequences of procrastination and disorganization range from humorous to absurd to blatantly stupid. Regardless of the degree, its just another recipe for ajita in any already complicated world.
The absurd - I am so disorganized and disconnected at times that I don't know the kids have off from school until they tell me. ("What do you mean summer vacation starts today?!?!"). Appointments are only kept because those nice people in the doctor's office are smart enough to call to confirm the day before. Yes, I have a calendar. No, I never open it (see bank mail above).
The blatantly stupid - I have actually had utilities turned off because I didn't pay a bill. Don't be alarmed - money is not a problem. I just wait and wait and wait until well past the past due date, then I write the check. But, I have to drive around with the envelope for another few weeks because everyone knows how hard dropping it in a mailbox is.
The humorous - I stopped to get a card for my mom last Mother's Day. If we were dealing with a normal person, under normal circumstance, this act would be unremarkable. But this is me, so I should probably mention that at that time I stopped to buy the card, I was already late for Mother's Day dinner. There were slim pickins' left in the card isle, so I couldn't be too picky. I chose the one with the big red rose and the silver glitter. What mushy sentiment the card I ended up with expressed I couldn't tell you, since the only cards that were left at 7:00 on Mother's Day Sunday were in Spanish.
Anyone see a pattern here?
Gray is Good.
posted by Eatapeach | 12:35 PM
2 Comments:
Perhaps you should pretend you're at work when you're home. Might avoid nights without lights and $33 cheeseburgers. 3 minutes IS a lifetime, and I thought I told you it was "agita."
You are a pretty smart guy, Plantman. Thanks for the inspiration. I am a little disappointed in you though - you should know by now that I hardly ever listen, and if I've told you once, I've told you 100 times, I am always right (even when I'm wrong).
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